You pass me on the street and out eyes briefly meet.
You hold the door open for me as I enter behind you.
I say thanks, but you have no idea that my mind is blank.
In the elevator you crack a joke, I flash a smile,
you have no idea that my heart is in denial.
You ask me how my day was and I say fine.
You have no idea that my brain and I are arguing to if I should cross the line.
My happiness is gone as I walk in this world.
The thoughts in my head have me wishing I was laying in a cold dark hole.
Once you lose your soul there is no turning back.
Everything you once dreamed of no longer has an impact.
You don't want to love nor do you want to have fun.
Your days are so long the problems in your mind make you question if you should carry on.
You smile so that's what people see on your face,
they think that you are happy but deep down inside you feel like a worthless disgrace.
Each day the performance you put on for people is Emmy award winning,
But you question yourself and wonder if you act is just a way for you to hold off your own internal sinnings.
When you wake up from a night's sleep you wonder to yourself if today is the day your heart will be back to it's old self or will it still be skipping every other beat.
You wonder if things that once made you happy to be alive will make a comeback.
You wonder if the little things in life that made you who you are will have you once again dreaming to the stars.
You wonder if you will feel less empty hearted.
You wonder to yourself who holds the match to start that fire.
You're tired of running and losing your breath.
You want to hold tight to something that will help you once again enjoy the journey into lives amazing treks.
You want to feel that every day can be better than the last.
You want to turn your lost soul feeling into a thing of your past.....
Journals122
Newest
I just don't know
1 min read
[[this poem does NOT imply im going to harm myself in any way. it's only for venting]]
I drop anchors
To keep me from being Swept out into The Lonely Sea
But all my chains break
And the tide pulls my craft
The storm clouds roll in Lightning cracks
All these things That held me in place Gone.
Now I drift In this lonesome space
I can see where the Sun shines
I can watch others sail free
But I alone am stuck here In a whirlpool of misery.
My emotions spiral
My tears overflow
I'm overwhelmed by the tides
But I can't let it show
I struggle to keep my craft from going down
But maybe it wouldn't be so bad to drown...
My grip on the wheel Loosens...then fails
I let the sea take me Swallow my masts and sails
Down with my vessel
Sinking below Into the depths Of my grave I go...
I drop anchors
To keep me from being Swept out into The Lonely Sea
But all my chains break
And the tide pulls my craft
The storm clouds roll in Lightning cracks
All these things That held me in place Gone.
Now I drift In this lonesome space
I can see where the Sun shines
I can watch others sail free
But I alone am stuck here In a whirlpool of misery.
My emotions spiral
My tears overflow
I'm overwhelmed by the tides
But I can't let it show
I struggle to keep my craft from going down
But maybe it wouldn't be so bad to drown...
My grip on the wheel Loosens...then fails
I let the sea take me Swallow my masts and sails
Down with my vessel
Sinking below Into the depths Of my grave I go...
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Narcosis
1 min read
I see now
These four walls
Were not to be used to contain the human body
But to contain the spirit and sou
l They are used to reverse our backwards and one way thinking
Used to help us find our faith
And help us seek out the the help we need
As I lay here naked
Trapped not only within these four walls
But within the ovaloid shaped walls of my own skull
Trapped with just my thoughts
I realize now I was in a narcosis state
Numbed by the amoebic drugs from nature’s pharmacy
Located on the corner of coppice and veldt
Then I was Blinded by the truth
This is who I am
Who I'm destined to be
My destiny has been interwoven in the frangible fabric of time
These four walls
Were not to be used to contain the human body
But to contain the spirit and sou
l They are used to reverse our backwards and one way thinking
Used to help us find our faith
And help us seek out the the help we need
As I lay here naked
Trapped not only within these four walls
But within the ovaloid shaped walls of my own skull
Trapped with just my thoughts
I realize now I was in a narcosis state
Numbed by the amoebic drugs from nature’s pharmacy
Located on the corner of coppice and veldt
Then I was Blinded by the truth
This is who I am
Who I'm destined to be
My destiny has been interwoven in the frangible fabric of time
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Lost Soul
2 min read
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Halloween is fast approaching!
1 min read
Hello there my fellow spoopy deviants!
Halloween is fast approaching and i was wondering what you all are doing for halloween?
If any of my friends would like to come trick-or-treating with me maybe let me know.
Otherwise i'll be stuck handing out candy.
Halloween is fast approaching and i was wondering what you all are doing for halloween?
If any of my friends would like to come trick-or-treating with me maybe let me know.
Otherwise i'll be stuck handing out candy.
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Dark tendencies...
2 min read
I've lost hope lost my faith I got none left
I only hope that when tomorrow comes it'll bring death
There's no love in my life no love in my household
This act is starting to get real old
Man its so cold when you in bed alone
Wishing someone was laying next to you, but there is none
There's nobody there nothing but darkness
No one to touch, hug, or kiss
If you cant look forward to tomorrow what's the point of today
I want to leave this earth, but something making me stay
Some kind of force is keeping from leaving this earth
The angel of death has been breathing down my neck since birth
and these voices in my head are getting to loud to ignore
What did I do lord? why you gotta do this for
Why cant you jus let me be leave me in peace
All this hatred and sorrow is turning me into a beast
I hate what I've become, did god save me as a child?
Or was that the devil the one that answered when I dialed
For a prayer as I laid in the hospital bed
Why did I survive sometimes I wish I had died instead
Of surviving it why did I live why didn't I pass on to the next life why
Do I go to bed every night with my pillow and cry?
The pain is getting too much to bear
I just wish someone would care
I only hope that when tomorrow comes it'll bring death
There's no love in my life no love in my household
This act is starting to get real old
Man its so cold when you in bed alone
Wishing someone was laying next to you, but there is none
There's nobody there nothing but darkness
No one to touch, hug, or kiss
If you cant look forward to tomorrow what's the point of today
I want to leave this earth, but something making me stay
Some kind of force is keeping from leaving this earth
The angel of death has been breathing down my neck since birth
and these voices in my head are getting to loud to ignore
What did I do lord? why you gotta do this for
Why cant you jus let me be leave me in peace
All this hatred and sorrow is turning me into a beast
I hate what I've become, did god save me as a child?
Or was that the devil the one that answered when I dialed
For a prayer as I laid in the hospital bed
Why did I survive sometimes I wish I had died instead
Of surviving it why did I live why didn't I pass on to the next life why
Do I go to bed every night with my pillow and cry?
The pain is getting too much to bear
I just wish someone would care
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